KC3 Draft
As the World War II ended and the Cold War began, These changes added its support for a growing Civil Rights movement aimed chiefly towards 1896 Supreme Court case Plessy vs. Ferguson. Starting with the first Brown case in the year of 1954, the movement was looking into the courts and the way Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was teaching to both races, such as the blacks and the whites. By the year of 1964, President Johnson’s, Great Society, also had an enactment of Civil Rights legislation that was more than just the window-dressing of earlier Civil Rights Acts.
The harbor was joining with pearl making oysters until the late year of 1800's. In the early days, the following of the coming of Captain James Cook, Pearl Harbor was not known as a useful port due to a coral bar destroying pearl harbors entrance.
In the year of 1917 Ford Island in the island that is placed in the middle of Pearl Harbor which was purchased for a joint Army and Navy use in the development of military aviation. Over the following two years, Japan's presence in the world as a major industrial and military power began to grow. The United States began to keep more of its ships at Pearl Harbor.
Your ideas are good, but you need to add more details and explanations to make them less confusing.
ReplyDeleteThe way you put your ideas in order of events is good but i think that you need a stronger ending. It seems like there should be more but it just ends there. You need a closing statement.
I liked the word choice but you could use better words to explain your ideas. Again, they were a little confusing to people that dont have any background knowledge on the topic.
-Melissa Ponce
im sorry jer,but i dont know what your article is about.Your sentences arent very flowy,and easy to read.you should add more details about the cases and what the cause was for that,it just looks like dates and court cases.Then like where did Dr.martin luther king come from?what was he teaching?The part where it says "By the year 1964"to the end where it says "Civil rights acts"should be cut out because i dont know what that is a cause or effect of.Then why does it start to talk about pearlharbor making oysters.I dont understand what all those things have to do with each other,but it seems as if you are talking about different topics in each paragrapgh.Organization is honestly,very choppy alot of info is scatteered all over without any supporting details.Word Choice doesnt show me any passion in the conflict.I dont even know the cause.Lastly you dont have a conclusion paragraph i was hoping there would be somthing to at least hint about what you were trying to talk about.you should add one.
ReplyDeleteSorry Jerica,i'll help you if you need.
you can really fix this up if you try.
-Sierra Acoba
Hi Jerica,
ReplyDeleteAs I said today, I'm not sure where you're going with this essay. It doesn't really fit the assignment and it doesn't sound as if you were really thinking as you were writing this.
I asked that you come in to see me so that I can help you...but so far, you haven't come in.
mrs s